Wednesday, August 03, 2005
seems like eons ago e last time i blogged. been trying to dig time to come online but alas, i couldnt afford dat luxury until today.
sunday was spent hollering at e 3rd level of IMM for who else but Weijian? but dat was quite an unpleasant experience la. lotsa pushing and squeezing till those in front(including me) were almost squashed to e point of suffocating. its THAT bad. and im surprised dat e fans were not e ones pushing, but the AUNTIES who come and "cou re nao". and there goes our parents nagging us for doing such foolish chasing after ppl who dun even noe us.
well, after dat, i had this public ruckus with my sis quarreling over some toopid matter which im too lazy to elaborate. but i do agree its partly my fault for losing my temper. i was oredi pissed off at e situation during e Superstar event, den my sis provoked me wif her stubborn attitude and i juz lost it all, in e middle of e street wif ppl whizzing past and cars zooming beside. so DRAMA! all these to emphasize once again that i have no capacity for tolerating ppl who refuse to admit to their mistakes. it juz takes a simple sorry to appease e situation but unfortunately, dats e last thing on her mind. so i blew it. now u guys noe how not to trigger my boiling point.
chatted wif fir bout 2am dat night. apparently, their relationship looks reali shaky now and he is oredi giving up. dun tink it'll be long to go before they go their separate ways ba. sigh. another failed relationship. we discussed bout domestic partnerships lor... coz now both of us are afraid of commitment. our breakup resulted from e issue of commitment and now dat he's experiencing yet another blow, its kinda like "bitten twice, thrice shy" liao. seriously speaking, i wouldnt be surprised if both of us were to go into a no-strings-attached kinda engagement lor. might sound scandalous to some ppl out there, but i guess its something dat can onli be understood by ppl who have gone thru e pains of a failed relationship and suffered for it, therefore turning to alternatives. dat way, there wont be so many restrictions to spark off petty arguments and meanwhile, we could still maintain our present social circle without having to devote so much time to juz one person alone. and the feelings involve wont be so deep. come to tink of it, it might be betta since im going to the University next yr and im bound to meet new ppl who i might find more compatible with. besides, there's no saying if this domestic partnership might still develop into a proper relationship. after all, no matter how long i've been over him, u'll have a thing for ur past love. its juz der niggling at u whenever u tok to him. BUT still. its juz a casual discussion. im juz expounding a lil more on it here to make a point that formal relationships may not be e onli option in e arena of love and feelings.
speaking of relationships. to me, platonic friendships can never develop into BGRs. i juz feel more comfortable being a close buddy rather than e gf coz both of us would have known each other too well to become lovers. in fact, it kills all impulse to fall in love coz there's no element of discovery, mystery and surprises anymore. e reason why i developed this acquaintance into a deep, proximate platonic friendship and not a BGR in e first place, is because i oredi have no reason to venture into e latter option. there's no mutual chemistry, no sparks; juz a very comfortable level of confidentiality and connectivity between us. so boliao Andrew and kuku Yingpeng betta stop teasing me and Chaoshun eh? if not, we'll gang up and whack e lot of u. =p
feeling veri stressed up these days. recently, i couldnt find my BOP notes and i totally freaked out. i spent 2 hours searching for it in e same places over and over again though i oredi know dats it futile but the subconcious paranoia juz grabbed hold of me. i got so frustrated dat i almost cried over such a silly matter. thank goodness i had it photocopied from dearie Elaine. but e aftermath still lingered... i lost my appetite and couldnt absorb a damn thing from e lessons. i was mostly juz staring blankly at e notes, trying to make sense outta e words and struggling to figure out e answers but e mental block couldnt be removed.
KONG BLA BLA!still adamant to my revision plan but mr tan pointed out that my strategy was probably flawed coz i started from e first topic in J2 and planned to carry it on till the last topic in J2. he said there wont be enuff time. so muz re-format e econs part. suddenly i feel like my whole revision plan was a flop.. coz there's so much to study and so lil time. i keep tinking of e number of days left to e prelims and i start panicking oredi. i feel as if i dunno alot of stuff. soooooooooooo demoralised now. =(
butterflies whispered at
8/03/2005 12:46:00 PM
