`cynic's child`

Thursday, September 29, 2005

thankfully e fuss bout e grad nite tix have been kinda settled. i was close to breaking down over e whole thing la. initially our gang agreed to go together, then a few decided that we shld sit wif e class. then another few wanted to book e seats early so that we could get a good table, but e class ppl had to wait till e last min to make their decisions. as a result, alot of ppl were unhappy bout it and e blame undoubtedly landed on my head even tho i wasn't liable for anything.

dammit. i got my GP paper. toopid KONG BAH BAO!!!!!!!!! he failed me for my paper 2 la!!!!!!!!!!! wat e hell... 23/50. all except for one A5ian failed, while S3 passed everything. wah lao, i was so pissed. juz look at e disparity. HE SHLD BE SACKED. PERIOD. wer got gp teacher mark liddat one? he credited marks when he's not supposed to and he doesnt when he is. crap. even mrs r is superbly agonised at his slipshod way of working. these marks betta not be going to e MOE as a benchmark for a A levels, or else i'll juz bang my head against e wall and die. i tink it was my best paper yet, but e marks dat came back were horrible. even paper 1 was a disaster. im not ashamed to say that it deserved at least a 32 mark because i addressed everything appropriately and coloured it with wonderful language. i was almost dying when i finished e paper, sapped of brain juice and hand strength. but dear Mr Chan aka Barcode decided to hate me and commented that my paper was "mundane and uninspiring"! at first i was so outraged, but it turned to mirth when i found out that everyone else had e same comments. look who's e mundane one now. but anyway... instead of marking my script as it is and crediting me for e way i manipulated my stuff, HE QUESTIONED WHAT I WAS TRYING TO DO when i made everything so obvious and clean-cut. BULLSHIT! i am so terribly frustrated. tho i got a 30/50, which was oredi better than wat e rest of e class got, i still tink that i was shortchanged. all these shitty discrepancies for our big paper! WAT E HELL LA!!!

so much for trying to be a 'rising star of Jurong'.

got back paper 8 as well. got a 59%... which is below my average but i guess i fully deserve it coz i misread one of e pieces. but i was quite pleased for e drama piece... which salvaged my script from e doldrums. a 31.5/50! mmm mmm. my chinese lit was not bad as well. i got 71/100! weeeee. so happy... but i was dragged down by e language component. but overall, its a B or a C la... not bad la not bad.. as for Econs, i onli have my MCQ for now. 14/30! fail........... expected la. so im praying that paper 2 and paper 3 will pull it up...

i look as pale as a ghost. and fair too. i need to go tanning badly.

***********************************************************

butterflies whispered at
9/29/2005 10:55:00 PM

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

im convinced that im fat. i shall be a 100% vainpot from now on, and be very conscious of what i eat, how i eat, when i eat.

impetus for doing so? *gathers all my courage and tries bestest not to laugh*

i was in lt3 with chaoshun today. he played e piano while i sat at e teacher's table at e front. i sang 'fen shou di qi tian' and when i finished, i got very excited and kinda moved around on dat small surface area of e table. incidentally, there was a glass pane that covered e computer monitor below very near my butt, and as i shifted around, my itchy butt had to land on that glass pane and not surprisely, it couldnt withstand my weight even tho it was like 1 cm thick and it shattered into a million pieces. I SWEAR IT DID NOT JUZ BREAK... IT SHATTERED! very nicely splintered as well... u could hear e crackling of glass in e echoes of e lt la... not a single "piang" but a multitude of "ping ping ping piang piang".

i cant help laughing at e ridiculous scene of it all. on my way to report it to e OM, i juz kept laughing to myself nonstop and e ppl in e canteen were positively puzzled at this siao char bo laughing to herself. luckily e OM din pursue it any further la... i tot he might make me pay for it or even make me do public detention for singing in e lt and breaking e glass pane as a result.

anyway, i tink my appetite is decreasing, dun feel like eating as much as before. i tink im overspeculating but i tink i might have an eating disorder. even tho my stomach is reeling with hunger, i dun feel like eating. and when i do force myself to eat, i feel like puking it all out. i look in dismay at all e food in e canteen and hardly feel any urge to indulge in tastebud pampering. its good in a way that it helps me to slim down, but i dun wan it to become an unhealthy thing. im not dat kinda ppl to take it to the extreme. besides, im dieting juz so that i can keep in shape as well as to instill confidence bout myself.... not to minimise my body mass to bones n skin. i tink that kind of figure is juz plain disgusting... look like Corpse Bride lor. i used to be quite comfortable wif having a lil excess of flesh but ever since i couldn't fit into my clothes and jeans, my self-esteem started to roll downhill and i decided dat slimming down is a betta option. its not reali an issue of image or what la.. dun be mistaken...

haben gotten back any papers except for chinese. and even so, its juz a language component. im not so worried for lit coz Mr Lee said i did quite well. im kinda scared for my GP and econs tho. heard from andrew that onli 10% of e whole cohort passed. even he din make e grade so im wondering where would i actuali stand? =( for econs, i have oredi perused my MCQ paper... not much hope la. e highest i can get is probably 20/30, which is kinda sucky. *shrugs* dunno how to study smart for these papers. i feel as if im oredi at my peak. all i can do is learn e basics, which i tink i have oredi grasped very well, read e lecture notes, do exercises, consult teachers. other than that, it'll hafta depend on my application ability and higher order skills. like what mrs razal said, im not an intelligent student but i compensate by being extra hardworking. now whats left is whether my hard work will get to pay off or go down e drain...

izzit a good thing not to feel stressed? mebbe subconsciously i am feeling e pressure but outwardly, im quite composed. looking at my friends around me, they seem to be freaking out bout their results and future preparation for e A levels. but i still dun feel e heat leh!!!!!!! no doubt im in a study mode, but hmm.. juz feels weird la. or perhaps it'll set in later and i'll regret wateva i said now. bleah.

good luck everyone!!!!!

butterflies whispered at
9/28/2005 01:02:00 AM

Monday, September 26, 2005

to all of my frenz who got back their prelim papers. good job if u guys have done well but if u haven't, pls dun be too upset over it. if it is anything, it is merely a wakeup call to tell u that either u haven't been studying hard enuff or that u haben been studying smart. so grab hold of e remaining time to rectify any mistakes u have. cry if u have to, but do get over it soon and start to prepare for your A levels! and always rmb dat my shoulders are here to for u to lean on and my sleeves for u to cry with. love u guys... jia you... dun give up juz yet~

haben got back any papers yet. graaaaa. so frustrating. but i oredi have an inkling that my Lit Paper 8 aint gonna be fantastic coz mrs razal said nobody got more than 30 marks. and she commented dat we were toopid to choose e poem to analyse, me being one of them. sheeeeee-it.

im on Atkins diet now, meaning low carbo and lots of fruit/veggie. and i gonna hit e pool/tracks/gym at least once a week to get e muscles toned, all ready for grad nite. e tix are on sale now... so excited la!!!!!!! and i realised that after e prelims ended, e spots on my face are gradually disappearing, which is good. ^.^ but i'll hafta be careful during the A level period as well... ga.

din manage to make alot of earrings coz my sis din confirm e orders yet. went out wif fir to jp... and i broke my fast by eating LJS chocolate cream pie. last time i din like it but now i tink its real goood. oh, and i found out dat shishi got dengue fever. so suay... hope she gets well la. anyway... i was toopid enuff to give all my coins to fir for him to go home. and my coins almost amounted to $2 plus... see wat i said bout being too nice and too toopid to throw my money away?

butterflies whispered at
9/26/2005 09:49:00 PM

actuali i shld be rushing e earring orders now, but ah... i got carried away with surfing e net whilst taking a break. went to cut my hair at Boon Lay upon hearing dat CLEO's free haircut at Ginrich is oredi fully booked. pls dun laugh when you see me in sch k?

the Photoshopping of e photos we took on Friday nearly killed me. i had to resize everything and readjust e brightness and contrast of those that were too dark. and e photos were at least 1MB each!!!! oh well, dats e horror of buying such a good quality cam. but im glad dat e photos turned out great, colour, resolution and all.

was looking at my bro's friend's autograph book. i was vividly reminded of my own childish book. i even had Golden Rules such as "Do not tear any pages! $1 for each page torn!" and "minimum 1 page, maximum 5 pages. Please write on both sides!" so childish right?

my new timetable is super sucky. i onli have GP on monday, and 4 hours breaks in between for Tues and Wed, and full days for Thurs and Fri with as lil as one break for e whole of e day. grrrrrrr.

* appeared in another of my dreams again! and he's wearing dat orange OGL tee again... haha. as always...

im so slack now. no homework to do. nutting to revise for now. not used to it. shall cut short my stipulated break of one week to juz one weekend. will start mugging TOMORROW!!!!!!!!

JUZ KIDDING HEHE! chaoshun, please dun come chasing after me with a parang...

butterflies whispered at
9/26/2005 12:08:00 AM

Sunday, September 25, 2005

e prelims are officially over! actuali, its 2 days overdue. its juz dat ive been playing ever since i handed up my paper 8 script to come n update... all in all, i tink i worked pretty hard for this exam. i guess it shld be a benchmark for my current standard lor. im pleased with some papers, and disappointed with others, but i guess i put in my best effort for now. so i'll be waiting eagerly for e results of my papers... grrrrrrrrr...

we hit town yesterday!! went to sing at Partyworld again and took lotsa lotsa pics wif e new cam. last time we went without elaine, but this time around wif her, its so fun! got exposed to alot of english songs instead of juz cheena-pop haha. actuali dey planned to go clubbing but i had some reservations so it impeded e plans. firstly, im underaged and i dun wanna be caught violating e rules. rules r meant to be broken but its juz not very glam to be seen being chased out by e bouncers and dragging ur frenz into e water as well. secondly, i have wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy overspent. tho i've received orders for earrings, i've yet to collect payment and im oredi borrowing money to spend during my outings. i owe alot of ppl money lor... that's one guilt im bound to feel everytime i go out.

so we decided to go pubbing instead. andrew introed us to this cool place at marriott hotel.... u can smell smoke but i guess its betta than e regular clubs, where elaine says its so pervasive that u cant even see ur own face. its a reali nice place to chill out, altho we onli drank draft beer due to budget restraint... and we kept teasing pengpeng for not drinking his beer and constantly stoning. so guai... mummy's boy! haha. if im still active past my bedtime, i'll get super hyper after e initial fatigue so i was reali high last night as e streets started to liven up and all. wahoo! e A levels juz seemed eons away!!!! chaoshun was possessed by e modelling ego coz he was totally in a supermodel mode yesterday with all dat catwalk and poses, then we made him model after some ads in e underpass... very nice!!! i muz reali thank them for e very enjoyable night! and especially to Elaine, for buying me e sweet earrings and to Andrew for "alleviating" my financial constraints.

took e NiteOwl home... thankfully i din meet any perverts that e police warned of recently. then today i went out again to Chinatown to get my materials for e earrings. spent close to 50 bucks lor........ so expensive. and i was quite pissed off coz some essentials were outta stock and i couldn answer to e buyers. i can onli hope that dey accept a new design or wait till e new stock comes... which e shopowners dun even noe when as well. $%*&#!!!!! and i was almost foolish to be conned by e price disparity in different shops. i bought some ornaments at one store for 3 bucks that went for onli $1.90 at another. wah lao........... next time muz check properly, if not kena cheated.

me and deniece entered for e KFC Favourite Moment contest. today i went to develop e photos coz tml's e dateline so i had to opt for e express service. went to Kodak and paid like $7.60 for onli 6 photos (60c per pc and $4 service charge coz its under 20 prints). onli to find out that Konica offered to print for 50c per pc with no extra charge!!!!!!!!! I FELT SO CHEATED LA! if dat wasnt enuff, they dirtied e developed photos and i had to go back again to have it reprinted. so i waited a total of 1 hr 45 mins. i noe im a very patient person but they dun hafta waste my time liddat ma.... but i made use of e time in between to go to e boutiques to try on clothes. which was a fatal mistake coz i juz love e clothes that i tried on and am itching to buy it..... =( can onli wait till i have saved to at least 300 bucks before i pamper myself again.

anyway, i realised that i cant hold my notes for long... im pretty sure i sounded horrible at Partyworld but they were too nice to comment. haha. oh well..

butterflies whispered at
9/25/2005 01:44:00 AM

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

yippeeeeeeee! with credit to my sis, i sold a total of $111.70 worth of earrings!!! at least that's e orders for now la. i din noe dat e earrings would sell so hard. alot of them bought e chandelier earrings... which means im gonna make earrings till my fingers bled themselves dry. haha. gonna replenish my materials this sat to get preped for a weekend of twisting metal loops and designing jewellery. i was so encouraged by e sales that i suddenly had this grand ambition of developing it into a small business of sorts, mebbe go online or something. i was tinking bout it all thru my shower, and i figured its a good way to go to earn some easy cash. whoooo! im so excited! but it won take off anytime soon due to my A levels.. mayhaps after that, i'll revamp my sales tactics and get ready to establish my lil jewellery empire. haha. mebbe in my dreams la..

2 more days to temporary freedom! i shall be unleashed from e cage wif e whip of e wind (alliteration sia.. in preparation for Paper 8 on fri...) and plonk into party mood! tml's Econs paper 1 and 2, which is my most dreaded segment. argh... aint studying much for it coz i dun wanna peak so early (no la, actuali its juz an excuse...). haha. i have totally slacked off after today's killer. 3 full hours of drowning in a sea of chinese characters and black pen ink. im so glad its over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHICH MEANS I CAN GO TO PARTYWORLD!!!! and mebbe do a lil shopping/pampering with CLEO's 11th bdae card... since i gonna make a killing wif e earrings. but i won splurge la... muz spend wisely. after this lil outing, muz concentrate fully on exams. no more hangouts wif peeps after that one week of pure enjoyment =( that's a rule to myself...

i wanna watch The Myth and Be With Me. but e latter is M18!!!!!!!! grrrrrr. recently, i have been studying at imm and they kept playing e trailers n MTVs of The Myth for publicity, so i've been reali tempted to catch it. e theme song is especially nice! actuali i juz love e korean chorus la... i feel so moved n teary after seeing e MTV every single time. and im so enamoured by Stairway To Heaven. yea yea, another romantic korean drama... but oh well, i cant help being a sucker for romance. bleeeeeeeeeeeeee....

i binged on chocs today, and im not supposed to. mebbe its coz i saw * at e rooftop cafe, and i practically breathed e same air as him for close to 5 hours. wakaka. imdyingofexasperation. so i remedied that with Kinder Bueno and Cadbury Choclairs, which came in e best flavour yet... RAISIN RUSH! im so in love with it... and ya, i offered one to * oso. haha. lalala. anyway, something happened after that; its juz a trivial thing but i cant help reading more into it hehe. wanna noe what's that? not telling you... wahaha. oh, serena accompanied me after deniece left and introed me to Lexus cheese crackers, which is superbly nice. i bet Chaoshun's mouth is positively drooping to e ground with saliva now... haha. next time i treat u k?

mebbe i've been sitting for too long while i mug. coz im having rashes on my most valuable asset......... my butt. OF ALL PLACES RIGHT????!!!!! argh....

e waters of Jurong East Swimming Pool awaits with a welcoming embrace for my plunge tomorrow... wahooooooooo~

butterflies whispered at
9/21/2005 11:18:00 PM

me and sis bitched bout sucky bfs and sucky admirers who use the lousiest of tactics to woo girls. surprisingly, we found out (WOW!) that Singapore Poly guys have e worst kinda girl-wooing techniques. and most amazingly, me n sis had admirers from SP who used e exact same tactics. is dat shameless or what?

ever since i changed my display pic in friendster, i've been receiving junk mail from superficial guys again. -_-" for now, i juz click on "REJECT" for every single random friend request to save time.

tml's chinese A. i haben finished studying what im supposed to study even tho i spent a grand total of close to 50 hours (10 days X 5 hours). i was looking at my promo papers last yr, and i was so shocked to see that actuali got 75/100 for it! a fat "A" for chinese! but i figured it won be possible this time... i gave up on 2 topics. hopefully, Lady Luck will see that i have been a good girl nowadays and let e topics i've studied to come out. im feeling real stressed out now... even tho i'll be able to pass quite nicely with abit of luck. its juz that i din finish e entire syllabus, and tinking that there may be a possibility of obsolete questions, i keep worrying over it.

i could jolly well go to sleep wif e present capacity of knowledge, but i juz need e security la..... boohoo. now im trying to relieve stress by playing VOS and blogging... which apparently din help alot...

kor is at e airport now, flying to Brunei tonight for a training stint in the army. BON VOYAGE AND COME HOME SAFELY!!!!!

this is a must-tell. yesterday i dreamt of * and fir together. so funny... they were dancing in a performance (and i saw Ruth from Project Superstar oso). i met * in e supermarket, and i was super excited bout it in e dream. then i went to sneak a peek at e performance and saw fir there too. obviously, fir danced nicer la... and he was wearing this chest-baring white long sleeve shirt. wah... * wore a modest grey tee... couldn rmb much, but i juz feel very amused by e dream la. hehehe.

whoa, i got fan mail. no la.. juz a commment of praise from an anonymous reader. i din tink that such a boring blog would garner any attention in e first place. heck... i din even bother with e blogskin and all i did was to post anecdotes of my life... but to whoever it is, i appreciate it ^.^

friday pls come asap. speaking of which, my plans to go Partyworld wif e gang is thwarted. i overspent this week... and i feel very angry at myself for that. muz save muz save... =( cannot go out anymore.... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..........

butterflies whispered at
9/21/2005 12:09:00 AM

Monday, September 19, 2005

the rain's falling, im feeling cold
there's nowhere else that i can go
stranded in a state so painful
im being murdered blow by blow

you stab me with knives in my back
and killed the innocence of my truth
all was stolen of what i once had
left me alone, watched me bled

i don't want to be here
living in gaps, living in dread
why do i feel guilty of existing?
i don't want to be here
under your stare, under their glare
all i wan is to live again...

butterflies whispered at
9/19/2005 10:03:00 PM

im in sch and i finished my paper 4! weeeee. its e longest paper 4 paper i've ever written... 7 sheets of paper!!! beat that...

i dun understand how some ppl can be so jolly selfish without realising that they are at fault. TO YOU: if u wan something, ask for it nicely. nobody owes u anything so stop acting as if we are your slaves. we dun hafta kowtow to you juz coz u cant find ur uniform. i told u to find it for me if u wan me to iron it. im not ur servant, i certainly dun owe it to u to go around searching for ur elusive uniform. besides, i tried to find it. and u agreed to do it urself but being too busy to watch your anime, u ignored me. so blame nobody for that misfortune. we wish to start our mornings pleasantly, not awakened by some mad ranting. and stop playing victim. if u are in e wrong, u are. stop making everybody else to be the bad guy. even if we are, u correct your own wrongs before u head on to tok bout others. u owe ur own conscience to do so.

so sick and tired of saying it over n over again. but can i help it when it always falls on deaf ears?

yesterday, mummy treated e family to Baystreet 21 yesterday. been binging on good food these days... coz fir treated me to fish and co on saturday. i feel so spoilt. but nvm.. while we were eating, there's this couple who kept looking at us and laughing at our crass manners. but more admittedly, at my blunt remarks. so what if i dun mind my demeanour? at least i dun try and pretend to be someone i am not. if im loud, i'll be loud. there's nutting to laugh at. and so what if my father doesnt know restuarant etiquette? we got nutting to be shameful about. if u're so refined, then mind ur own manners and stop staring so blatantly.

im very angry today. im gonna blast all my complaints right here and now. bear with me.

being nice doesnt mean u can exploit me. i may be stupid for u to make use of me, but i tink ur conscience needs some talking to. i won be so immature to take revenge at u, but i beseech u to be more considerate and kind. just because i din say anything bout your behaviour doesnt mean, i dun mind. its juz that i dun wanna strain our friendship. watch out before u go too far, or i won be kind to u anymore.

butterflies whispered at
9/19/2005 12:40:00 PM

Saturday, September 17, 2005

of sleep. of play. of beauty.

i need manicures and pedicures. not because i want to be pretty but coz they're sooooo weak that they cant grow long without being chipped or flaked. my dead skin is multiplying and i noe nuts bout getting rid of it. looks like a mini-disaster zone to me.

yay. its e end of the week. juz one more week to temporary freedom. right after our lit paper, we're gonna crash PARTYWORLD! weeeeeeeeeeet.

i've been quite self-obsessed of late, coz i keep taking pictures of myself. i stored loads of it in the new digicam, but e prob is... i dunno how to upload it. ^.^ how dumb. i shld learn how to upload photos onto my blog, coz its reali quite boring and tasteless. but im such a lazy bum that i keep putting it off in e excuse of exams and schwork. no more procrastination when prelims are over! smack me if i do.

according to cs's blog, snoozing is great for slimming down. so unconsiously, i've been shedding weight every morning but i guess its not enuff. mebbe i shld set my alarm at 4am and snooze until 7am. wahaha. that'll make a substantial amount of cell death. went to e gym today wif deniece n chaoshun... bah!!! i realised i've developed arm muscles!!!!!!!!! EEEEEKS! u noe, that kinda bulging ones? eeeeee yer... i dun like. ever since i joined netball, that has been my onli regret.... of having very prominent arm muscles. looks very rough on a girl's body.. next time go gym, dun put weights liao... or mebbe i shld go swimming instead of going to e gym.

cs got me thinking. what's e point of a blog when you can't freely express your thoughts? even xiaxue's blog is being monitored by MICA, and two bloggers were arrested for making racist remarks. i mean... i don't condone any disparaging comments or shallow criticism, in fact i quite dislike their way of looking at things. but look, i respect their right to speak up. its juz a personal complaint.. why take it up to such levels as to censor every word you say? its juz a racist remark, it doesnt amount to actions right? i mean, certainly there are ppl out there who are definitely racist but its juz that they din speak up in a public domain. censoring these remarks doesnt equate to the complete eradication of racist sentiment. its true we have to be a gracious society, but admit it la... not everyone can conform to the standards of graciousness. some ppl are juz plain selfish and superficial... so juz let them be la. let their mouths rot in hell lor...

as for me, i initially wanted to keep this blog unknown, onli bound to ppl who surf randomly. but now that i let ppl read my blog, i feel kinda restricted in what i can actualli say. there's alot of things i cannot whine about or criticise for fear of being slammed for being inconsiderate, but like i said, its juz personal opinions. it doesnt mean that i translate it into actions. nobody is an angel... im sure everyone has their own selfish thoughts, its juz a matter of voicing it out or not. but for now, i guess i'll hafta keep my opinions to myself. everyone and everything is juz too tricky to trust....

hola. tml firdaus treating me to fish n co after my study spree with eve. wah, my virgin tryst at that restuarant. suaku right?

running outta money. anybody care to donate to Applie's Relief Fund?

butterflies whispered at
9/17/2005 01:00:00 AM

Thursday, September 15, 2005

im arrested by hiccups in between verses of "Yuan Lai Ni She Me Dou Bu Xiang Yao" by Ah Mei...

something freaky happened today. as u see, i was about to have a chicken-slaughtering singing session in e bathroom during my shower. i cleared my throat and juz when i started to sing, IT RAINED!!! ok... nutting too serious yet... but when i hit the high note, THERE WAS THUNDER!!!!! then now, i cant sing anymore. some uncles up there muz be conspiring to rob my newly found prowess away...

no paper tml! thats why im slacking away right now. studied at e rooftop juz now, and saw *!!!! gagagaga... i couldnt concentrate for one whole hour. onli after e butterflies settled down, did i start to absorb those chinese characters into my brain. told u it seems as tho im seeing him everywhere i go liddat. anyway, serena came n joined me at 3+... she's such a talkative girl, but very nice to crap with haha. i adore her to bits coz i can be childish with her whereas if i do it in front of my classmates, i'll get weird looks. except for deniece and chaoshun la... who fools around with me too.

my period cramps are super-duperly bad this month. and its e 2nd time this month oredi. e exam stress is screwing up my hormonal balances. =(

paper 1 was okay la. forgot alot of my textual quotes, but the evidence was there. i conjured alot of my own points as well, so i dunno if its relevant or not. juz wanted to fill up 12 pages worth of words.. and i did it! haha..

one more week to go and im freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

feeling insecure these days. feel as if im not doing enuff for my friends. yesterday, elaine was quite upset over her paper but i couldn reali do anything to console her, except to be by her side wherever she went. evelyn's been calling me to complain bout her exam woes, but its like i nv had enuff words to help ease her worries. chaoshun is feeling stressed up over e prelims as well, but i oso have no idea how to help him get over it too. bleah. it sux knowing that ur ability to help is not sufficient. and tho its not likely to happen, i wonder if my friends would take it in a negative light... im getting very paranoid bout this. gaaaaaa. i need lavender...

my entries have been quite random and incoherent. it juz goes to show e state of mind im in...

butterflies whispered at
9/15/2005 11:03:00 PM

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

in my prelims. how nice.

Post Prelims Plans (PPP):
1. go swimming with elaine
2. go out wif eve and fidz
3. go out wif xiaowen
4. go partyworld with chaoshun and peeps
5. go out with firdaus
6. go gymming with deniece
7. go out with (fill in particulars in block letters)
8. go out to (name of activity)
9. go out...

im home early for once. finished my econs essay. ah... i dunno how i'll do. im confident of just one question for now. to tink i studied so bloody hard. =( there's this irresistible urge to feel discouraged and demoralised, but i wont take e easy way out. i'll cope. anyway, i came online to play. and realised i dun reali have anything to play. so sad.

lately, im listening to Symphony 92.40, doing yoga at night, and bathing in lavender bath foam. im doing everything i can to get myself in tiptop condition for e exams. i hope it'll do me good la.

speaking of which, im prone to irritation and frustration so do keep away from me. my tolerance strand is as taut as can be from mugging, so don't try me. i was so surprised that i got pissed even when my sis was packing her stuff when im trying to sleep yesterday night. its all those sounds la.. after those period of isomniac nights, i've developed a super acute sense of hearing that's sensitive to every single earth on earth. i got soooooo stressed up that i almost cried for no reason.

i keep seeing * around. which is good. ^.^

i finally gotten around to watching e repeat telecast of Project Superstar. i look so dumb on tv. ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, and my screen debut for ONE MORE CHANCE!!!!! my sis says i kept smiling away, andrew says i look cute (in which i tink means ugly but adorable). and im proud of chaoshun! haha. tho its a short few seconds, i believe it'll lead on to something betta.

im sorry if i sound cliche. i've been counselling so many ppl that it seems as tho im repeating a pre-recorded tape over n over again... my friends are all getting stressed up. i wish i could too, but i can't. no luxury of time... jia you guys! its onli e prelims... you still have e A levels!!! RELAX!!! haha. i dun practise what i preach.

i've been poor too long. i actuali prefer Cremo to Cornetto.

butterflies whispered at
9/13/2005 05:10:00 PM

Monday, September 12, 2005

2 down. 8 more to go.

paper 1 was alright. i did another alienated question again... "there is no greater inequality that equal treatment to unequals". i hope i addressed e question correctly la... and lets pray that a fuddy duddy marker will get my script. paper 2, on e other hand, was quite hard. my comprehension was kinda messy, but i guess i scraped thru somehow. but i din finish my AQ... spent too much time on e passage. im a goner!!

mr tan returned us Econs common test. i got a miserable 5/20 for my DRQ. so angry and disappointed. my Econs grades seems to be slippin and slippin even tho i have a betta grasp of my concepts now. i juz dunno how to answer to e point... ARGH!!!! but thankfully, i got 17/25 for my essay la... which was quite okay la... but could have done even betta. overall still fail la... sigh. tml's paper 3 (essay component), i wonder if i can suffice. quite demoralised now even tho i keep telling myself not to get affected.

anyway, im in e sch library taking a break from studying... so im using e sch comp. even faster than my home comp lor....

ciao!

butterflies whispered at
9/12/2005 01:44:00 PM

Friday, September 09, 2005

i've went to e loo 5 times this morning... and now, my asshole is burning wif pain. owww. so i decided to stay home n study instead of going to sch... if not, i'll be waddling to e toilet every half an hour, and considering that e nearest toilet is almost a 2 min walk from the canteen, its not a very desirable option for one who's faced with diarrhoea woes. which is absolutely unhealthy coz im sitting here typing away instead of flipping away at my notes.

im here to boast that i've acquired a very nice tan, not too light and not too dark, after 2 hrs in e pool wif deniece yesterday. it rained in e morning but it was real sunny in early afternoon. good workout too! and elaine made a pact wif me to go swimming everyday after e prelims. weeeet.

i finally could stomach it no longer and told him to stop wateva he's doing and stop hurting us. i hope he gets e message, before i start buying parangs and hacking ppl into pieces. that bitch betta scram far away from my sight. in any case, i felt betta getting it off my chest after toiling wif it for so long. i love my ******. i won let anyone break us up.

feeling kinda disturbed after reading bout Hurricane Katrina. tho its happening halfway around e world, i cant help but feel e extent of e damage done to New Orleans. not so much of e infrastructure but of how it corroded human integrity. i feel like i was watching Dawn of The Dead, when i read in e newspaper that ppl eat dead bodies coz they simply have no food to go around. instead of watching out for each other in e midst of a disaster, they had e audacity to loot, to rob, even to rape in e premises of Superdome, right there where 150000 others were huddled together as death looms around. i cannot imagine how they can tink of doing such things when ultimately, they shld be caring for each other to get thru this ordeal. the newsprint was written in as detached a way as possible, and i wondered how ppl can juz look on, report, publish without an inkling of emotion. from e words alone, i could almost visualise the kind of catastrophe happening in e heart of a global superpower and yet, crimes of all sorts, tangible or otherwise, are happening. e reporters themselves are guilty of ignoring the plight of these ppl as well. seriously, i got no idea how human beings can stoop to this level. the world should really come to an end with e existence of these beasts.

and im not surprised if someone launches a terrorist attack on USA on 9/11. especially when ppl are exploiting each other, killing each other.

meanwhile, back to my apathetic life of mugging... *cringes*

butterflies whispered at
9/09/2005 12:45:00 PM

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. im bugged by flu AGAIN!! grrrrrrrr. of all times. but thankfully, i nipped it in e bud before e onset of fever. went to ngee ann poly to study wif fir... wa, e library soooooo big. a few stories high... and compared with our miserable jj library.... such a stark contrast. of all ppl, we had to bump into his ex gf at e Atrium lor. now i can be prepared for another bout of rumours liao... i oso dun care liao, as long as my conscious is clear. anyway... aishah came over to meet me as well! missed her soooo much. she suggested a class outing during december... weeee, i reali reali hope it'll materialise. haben been in touch wif alot of 2/5ians these recent years... yay, got lotsa plans after e As. gonna party hard! but muz oso find a job to fund my uni fees liao... both my kor n me are enrolling in e same year, so e financial burden is gonna be tremendous. sigh.. very troubling.

tml going to swim wif deniece. it betta not rain!!!!

juz wanna say a big thank u to my study gang, mainly chaoshun, elaine, yingpeng, andrew and sometimes peixuan. they make e mugging sessions so much bearable, though it may be very conducive at times la. home is a horrible horrible place to study so i thank heavens above for blessing me wif such wonderful peeps! and i've got a new nickname by them... APPLE PIE! so goosebump-inducing right? haha... and not forgetting evelyn as well! she's always kind enuff to smuggle me into her club to hog the study room for hours on end and oso treat me to lunch. and she's e onli one i can snack wif w/o feeling guilty.. coz we both have itchy teeth! chocolates and potato chips are a must-have during study sessions.

kor bought a new digicam... panasonic LUMIX!!! weeeee, e Ayumi-endorsed brand. weeet. very clear, and e video is especially shiok. but with that, all my facial blemishes would be "yi lan wu yi" oredi. haha.

i was telling fir that, i dun wan my kids to grow up like e typical chinese kid, spoilt and pampered. i wan them to have a "malay-style" childhood, whereby they can run around without me having to keep an eye on their every move to make sure that they dun fall down or anything. i saw 2 lil malay boys running on grass without their shoes on their own, while their daddy is eating at e foodcourt. they look so carefree, so unafraid of e dirt or bugs lying around. then i saw 2 other kids who were chinese. and they were sitting with their mother, being spoonfed and all. i dun wan my kids to grow up like us chinese, paranoid over everything. i rather them have a fulfilling childhood not packed with tuition classes or enrichment courses at e expense of academic excellence. i reali regret being stuck in this rigid education system of Singapore. no doubt, it makes scholars and achievers outta us but its forgoing alot of other things as well... like happiness, pursuing dreams, nurturing innate talent. at e end of e day, we juz become ppl with a scrap piece of paper for a degree, and we're constantly judged on that piece of junk everywhere we go. sorry but its not my cup of tea. however, im oredi caught in e cogs of e wheel so i can onli go on wif this miserable way of life i have, or else i'll end up wif nutting. e best i can do is to make sure that my offspring doesnt go e same way as i do. and this reali helps to nurture e kinda of attitude we have when we grow up. the chinese are so self-centered and apathetic while e malays care for brotherhood, loyalty and kinship.

sigh. back to mugging...

butterflies whispered at
9/07/2005 11:06:00 PM

Saturday, September 03, 2005

title of maia's debut album. sounds like a good catch but i won be buying it coz im so broke. my bank account has fallen below e 100 dollar mark... which is real real bad. muz get my sis to sell my earrings liao... and MDC haben mailed me my pay for e acting job in One More Chance. oh ya, e movie's out... go catch it ya? its very moving...

one more week to prelims... AHHH!!! a few ppl have been telling me not to do too well for prelims, coz that'll be peaking too early. but i dunno leh... i dun wanna get demoralised by my results. doubly stressed now... bah. can't wait to get my A levels over and done with.. hope you guys are coping well too~ i got back my GP mock prelim. quite satisfactory i guess. 32.5 for paper 1 and 30 for paper 2. somehow i feel as if i've oredi reached my maximum potential

i've decided that, it'll be quite impossible for me and fir to get together again. attraction's there but i guess we'll juz run into problems again coz till now, we still dun quite agree with each other. haha. been toking to him on e phone at night.. and it won be ideal la. besides, both of us are fancying others oso. hehe. so we shall juz stay as good buddies for now.

let's call my admiree * la. im getting quite fond of him by e day, partly coz i keep seeing him. esp. during night study programme. e best we could do is to wave to each other, smile or acknowledge with a nod. well, at least it makes mugging more bearable haha... got incentive to study harder since i got eye candy as reward. other than that, im not harbouring other thoughts la.

yay, weilian is our SUPERSTAR!!!! i got nutting against kelly (in fact, she did betta than him in e finals) but i tink Weilian is more deserving. he's one of a kind whereas Kelly is quite like e typical popstar. anyway, it was great going to the Indoor Stadium to watch e show. and we sat so near to e stage summo! but e experience was marred by some immature ppl in e fanclub. me and my sis were cheering for weilian, but she being a kelly supporter, decided to spite us by doing alot of naive actions and dishing out sarcastic and biting remarks bout Weilian. i cant be bothered really... juz treat her as a fly buzzing around. good thing is, she pissed her own frens off too. haha, serves her right. i voted more than 10 times for Weilian... thank goodness it din go to waste ^.^

it still hasn't stopped. am i to keep on pretending nutting's happened and let e hatred gnaw away at me? e longer it drags, e worse it gets...

butterflies whispered at
9/03/2005 09:40:00 PM