Wednesday, September 28, 2005
im convinced that im fat. i shall be a 100% vainpot from now on, and be very conscious of what i eat, how i eat, when i eat.
impetus for doing so? *gathers all my courage and tries bestest not to laugh*
i was in lt3 with chaoshun today. he played e piano while i sat at e teacher's table at e front. i sang 'fen shou di qi tian' and when i finished, i got very excited and kinda moved around on dat small surface area of e table. incidentally, there was a glass pane that covered e computer monitor below very near my butt, and as i shifted around, my itchy butt had to land on that glass pane and not surprisely, it couldnt withstand my weight even tho it was like 1 cm thick and it shattered into a million pieces. I SWEAR IT DID NOT JUZ BREAK... IT SHATTERED! very nicely splintered as well... u could hear e crackling of glass in e echoes of e lt la... not a single "piang" but a multitude of "ping ping ping piang piang".
i cant help laughing at e ridiculous scene of it all. on my way to report it to e OM, i juz kept laughing to myself nonstop and e ppl in e canteen were positively puzzled at this siao char bo laughing to herself. luckily e OM din pursue it any further la... i tot he might make me pay for it or even make me do public detention for singing in e lt and breaking e glass pane as a result.
anyway, i tink my appetite is decreasing, dun feel like eating as much as before. i tink im overspeculating but i tink i might have an eating disorder. even tho my stomach is reeling with hunger, i dun feel like eating. and when i do force myself to eat, i feel like puking it all out. i look in dismay at all e food in e canteen and hardly feel any urge to indulge in tastebud pampering. its good in a way that it helps me to slim down, but i dun wan it to become an unhealthy thing. im not dat kinda ppl to take it to the extreme. besides, im dieting juz so that i can keep in shape as well as to instill confidence bout myself.... not to minimise my body mass to bones n skin. i tink that kind of figure is juz plain disgusting... look like Corpse Bride lor. i used to be quite comfortable wif having a lil excess of flesh but ever since i couldn't fit into my clothes and jeans, my self-esteem started to roll downhill and i decided dat slimming down is a betta option. its not reali an issue of image or what la.. dun be mistaken...
haben gotten back any papers except for chinese. and even so, its juz a language component. im not so worried for lit coz Mr Lee said i did quite well. im kinda scared for my GP and econs tho. heard from andrew that onli 10% of e whole cohort passed. even he din make e grade so im wondering where would i actuali stand? =( for econs, i have oredi perused my MCQ paper... not much hope la. e highest i can get is probably 20/30, which is kinda sucky. *shrugs* dunno how to study smart for these papers. i feel as if im oredi at my peak. all i can do is learn e basics, which i tink i have oredi grasped very well, read e lecture notes, do exercises, consult teachers. other than that, it'll hafta depend on my application ability and higher order skills. like what mrs razal said, im not an intelligent student but i compensate by being extra hardworking. now whats left is whether my hard work will get to pay off or go down e drain...
izzit a good thing not to feel stressed? mebbe subconsciously i am feeling e pressure but outwardly, im quite composed. looking at my friends around me, they seem to be freaking out bout their results and future preparation for e A levels. but i still dun feel e heat leh!!!!!!! no doubt im in a study mode, but hmm.. juz feels weird la. or perhaps it'll set in later and i'll regret wateva i said now. bleah.
good luck everyone!!!!!
butterflies whispered at
9/28/2005 01:02:00 AM
