`cynic's child`

Saturday, November 26, 2005

BYE PEOPLE!!! IM MOVING!!! ^.^

butterflies whispered at
11/26/2005 01:40:00 AM

Sunday, November 20, 2005

im not going to give a damn bout this anymore. go ahead and say wateva u wan. my conscience is clear, i have nutting to hide. the guy above knows who's e victim and who's not, so im not gonna waste my breath trying to vindicate myself from circumstances that stupid ppl impose upon me. if u get e wrong side of e story, too bad for you. as long as my friends believe and know what im doing, its enuff. i have done my part, and hopefully u will do yours too to respect me.

get a life of your own and move your butt outta my personal space.

one last paper to go. i cant wait.

butterflies whispered at
11/20/2005 01:06:00 AM

Thursday, November 17, 2005

juz a word of concern to everyone reading this. pls dun link me up on ur blog coz i dun wan anonymous ppl browsing thru my stuff, unless they come here by chance.

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!! i finally got my nike cap! its called a jealuxe cap. last time, i fell in love with it at eWorld of Sports Jurong Point. wanted to get eve to buy it for my bdae present but it was too expensive... so i got my bro to get it instead. but by e time he went there, EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF STOCK WAS GONE! so i tried to search for it in every available sports store but to no avail. i went to the IMM branch before but i couldn find it again. but this time, when i decided to the loo, i decided to give it one more try.... and kudos! IT MAGICALLY REAPPEARED! weeeeeeeeeeee. eve could testify the state of emotion i was in after i finally had my hands on it.

lalala. 2 more papers. but after paper 8, im gonna catch Just Like Heaven first. heh.

butterflies whispered at
11/17/2005 11:38:00 PM

freak. i can holler a thousand different vulgarities from my vocabulary right now. mypicgallery.com screwed up on me and requires me to pay for its services. which explains why my star icons turned into such ugly tabs of "Account Expired, Please Subscribe".

and all my pics are GONE. 4 years of collection, everything from my 2/5 photos, neoprints, css photos... defenestrated without even a warning. how am i supposed to stomach this?!!!!

im going to change address soon. the thought of unknown people scrutinising my blog and linking me up is too scary for comfort. yes, i have nutting to be ashamed of because everything i say here is 100% sincere, honest and reliable... but u noe my age-old reservations bout mass media. ppl like to "duan zhang qu yi", meaning they take bits and pieces of what i wrote and distorting it to their whim and fancy with no respect for my intended context at all. thats why i got so fed up by the whole Ziheng scandal when everyone simply passed it mouth to mouth and changing the whole story without even knowing what truly happened. no doubt, these comes with the discretion of setting up a blog, but its juz WRONG to distort facts. u can read it, you can disbelieve me, u can judge me, BUT DON'T DISTORT IT. get your facts straight before u come up with your own version of it. its a due respect that you give to the writer when you read their material.

butterflies whispered at
11/17/2005 02:36:00 AM

nutting's going right. i thought the worst has oredi passed, but turns out that Econs is even harder! ARGHHH! at least paper 1 and 2 were do-able. easier to crap... can onli hope that wateva crap i wrote makes some sense to my marker. yada yada. 2 more papers to freedom... wahoooooo! today, me and chaoshun were acting as if everything was over. he treated me to Billy Bombers milkshake and its super thick fries and i can tell u... its SIMPLY DIVINE! too bad it din come in strawberry flavour tho. i had the chocolate one, and whoa... i was blown away. i swear that every inch of my being is enjoying the rush of endorphins that i so gratefully appreciate during this tough period of time.

i have no idea whether i made e right decision. its high time that i tink for myself, and solely for myself. i dunno... i'll reconsider it seriously when everything's over and i'll have the luxury of time to ponder bout our relationship.

to S: all i can say is, things are not what you seem. i account to you solely because i tink u have e right to noe, and not that im trying to exonerate myself. there are things behind closed doors that u won get to hear and it won matter anyway coz everything will sound like excuses even tho they aint. whether u believe me is up to u. if u still tink that i have done you wrong, there's nutting more i can do to convince you. im sorry if it hurts but one thing i can safely tell u is that, im guilt-free. i told you no lies. i did wateva i can to smooth things out between you and him. i din do anything to cause your breakup. as far as i am concerned, we onli started after you guys ended... so pls dun misunderstand. hope u find ur happiness too.

butterflies whispered at
11/17/2005 02:00:00 AM

Sunday, November 13, 2005

cambridge hates us. for some reason, they made the papers especially tough this year. i tot Chinese was bad enuff, until i heard of Maths, Chem, Bio and subsequently experienced GP for myself. though it was perversely comforting to know that other ppl found it hard too, i stil dun imagine myself getting the grades i expected.

so wateva happens to Econs and Lit then? i cant bear to imagine. =( worst case scenario: repeat J2. serena, i'll be taking exams with u next yr. how fun!

next week is gonna be draining. but come friday, i'll be shackle-free~! well.. almost. sorry eve! haha. but sunday will still be on with you. anyway, i oredi have 3 movies in schedule, thanx to someone's complimentary movie passes. wahahaha. ^.^ musuem visit. movie. prom shopping. movie. suntanning. movie. bbq. movie. stayover. movie. grandma's house. movie. clubbing. movie. chalet. tha's what has been lined up after my last paper. i'll be free until the end of this yr before i look for work so pls book your slots asap. first-come-first-served basis.

e mood swings are going away. yay. everyone shld be happy after e 24th. but i tink within this period, alot of ties have oredi been broken, forgotten, chucked aside or simply ignored. one by one, my closest frens seem to be getting estranged from me. the distance din matter, its the emotional attachment that is fraying. will it return to normal after the exams? i dunno. i certainly hope so...

i write differently from the way i behave. i tend to be more frank when blogging because i treat it as a freedom of expression. but in reality, i dun normally carry out what i say because there are alot of considerations involved. tho i may defame someone here, it doesnt mean i'll reali vomit vulgarities into that person face-to-face because im aware of the humiliation he/she will face, the scene i'll create, guts it'll take to act it out blah blah blah. bottomline is, what i say here shldn be taken seriously. im old enuff to noe what im doing. pls be discerning enuff to treat me like a young adult.

butterflies whispered at
11/13/2005 01:14:00 AM

Sunday, November 06, 2005

that date and time meant something to me, but i shall be mysterious and not say anything...

i cannot stand rich ppl who tink money can do wonders. i saw an article in The New Paper a few days back. a sch bus driver forgot that there was a kid sleeping on the bus, so he drove e bus all the way to the Causeway customs when he wanted to go to Johor to refill petrol. the customs officers found the girl and returned her home safely. now here comes the crunch: i dun deny negligence on the driver and bus attendent's part coz they shld have checked the bus properly. the matter shld have been rested after a letter of apology or something, but the parent of the child had to kick up a fuss and demand disciplinary action against the driver and the attendent, which led to them being sacked from the company. and even after several letters from the childcare schoolhouse, the parent even wanted the sch to change bus operators. NOW THAT IS WAYYYYYYY TOO MUCH. juz coz you pay the sch fees, and fulfil the possiblity of the driver having a decent income, doesnt mean u can go abusing your authority and demanding all sorts of unnecessary action over such a small mattter. its not as if your child has been kidnapped due to that or something. and how could u overlook the hundreds of times that the driver good-heartedly did his duty and delivered your child to your doorstep? and just because of one single incident that doesnt even warrant much panic, you strip some low-income earner of his job without any consideration. asshole.. all that filth of your money has turned your conscience into coal or something?

i was stuck at mac this whole day studying away. but apparently, the jitterbugs got a hold of me and i started to feel all stressed out again. i tink i have peaked at the prelims, and somehow feeling myself sliding down the ramp. the lecture notes looked as undelectable as leftover mould coz i've studied the damn thing hundreds of times before, but i still cant rmb everything i shld have rmbed. THATS WHY I PROLLY FLUNKED MY CHINESE. i tot everything had been installed in my memory thru countless repetitions but that din work for my Chinese A paper coz i forgot wateva was supposed to garner me the 71 marks i got for my prelims. now, its the same case with Econs and im badly traumatised once before. HOW???

i was juz short of breaking down but thankfully, eve, elaine and fir responded to my distress calls in time to keep me from losing control. my deepest thank yous...

anyway, me and eve were one table away from this sec 4 girl studying for her O levels. initially, we were fine with her. budden when this bunch of sec 4 guys, presumably her classmates, came over and sat at the neighbouring table, they started to tok and tok and tok and tok, as if they're here for a chatting session instead of a study session. but the most intolerable thing was how the girl spoke. it was in this ultra-act-cute accent, which i am very certain, was faked in the presence of the guys to attract attention. im not being judgemental here, but i had enuff experience in sec sch to pinpoint who's acting cute and who's not. normally i wouldnt have minded coz i'll be nice and let them be, but today i was already frustrated enough with my worries... so i got freaking pissed and shot dagger stares at her. apparently, she din get e hint coz e chatter went on for another hour or so... argh.

ok. that's my Two Minute Hate for now. i need to exercise tml to release endorphins into my mind so that i won launch into such mood swings and start criticising everybody i see on the street... and i gonna listen to elaine and take a break from studying for one day before returning to the books. im reali drained of energy... cant last much longer if i juz drone on with such unproductivity. so i gonna go out wif firdaus on tues and go look at cloth for my prom dress. then at least i have something to look forward to after my As.

good luck to all who's having your PW oral presentation soon!

butterflies whispered at
11/06/2005 10:53:00 PM

Friday, November 04, 2005

chinese A was a wreck. i couldn't rmb my gu wen translations properly. outta e 3 essays which i banked so much on, i onli felt confident of 1. i pretty much crapped thru e other 2. e paper was hard, but i guess i had myself to blame as well. felt uber-shitty after e whole 6 hours was over. that's it. i predict it to be a C or D. won be surprised too if its a E. thats how bad it is.

ate steamboat at marina wif my family after e paper, and got to burn alot of stingray and char siew chicken. dun tink im going back to Zheng Fa anymore even tho it may be betta-reputated... coz its seriously congested, and more expensive than e other places around that area. i could have gone to e one OG4 went to last yr for 2 bucks less and gotten a free ice cream and drink, and lots more food... which is where im gonna go on e 25th with OG4 to celebrate e end of As. told u i had inferior tastebuds.

happy birthday to me, even tho its 2 days over. thanx to everyone for e gifts and well-wishes. i love you all! esp. to elaine for treating me the Vienna Boys Choir concert. e boys sounded reali angelic... esp. that soprano. they weren't reali professional and all mebbe due to their young age or unfamilarity with the intimidating big hall, coz a few of them were fidgeting away, coughing and showing signs of unease, but for me, it was reali cute seeing them at their most innocent. and they had BEAUTIFUL hair which positively shone under the lighting. most charming...

im in a terrible state of mind now. dunno what to make of things. fir asked me back, and im dreadfully troubled over it. it felt reali nice to be wif him, but it came at a big price of insecurity and fear. many of my frens have been advising against it, suggesting me to get into a no-strings-attached relationship instead... i won rule it out, but as far as i noe, im not very in favour of that idea coz its afterall, undermining e meaning of a relationship. i very much wanna go back to him, start anew or something... but im afraid of what may come. once bitten, twice shy. i've been out of a relationship for so long that i no longer noe where to start, how to handle it. if i juz blindly agree, it's unfair to him too. besides... there're alot of things to consider. im not very sure of his feelings as well.. mebbe both of us were juz too hot-headed or something. im still in e midst of my exams, and its niggling at me to no end. and i dun wanna be a hypocrite to shishi as well, on one hand helping her to get over him and on the other, snuggling up behind her back.

then what explains the pain gnawing at my heart? what explains the lump in my throat whenever i tink of us? what explains the sudden rush of moisture in my eyes as i look at u?

do i follow my heart's will back to the place where i felt i belonged, or listen to my mind's voice to a path that may hold even greater promises? do i forsake the memories i tried so hard to hide or do i revisit all the beautiful places that you have taken my heart to?

i can't decide if i've gotten over you and fallen in love again or that the remnants of my affection have been awakened by you once more.

i don't know if i love you for who you are or just loving you for the very reason that i can have you back again.

can i even call it love??

this is so melodramatic that i can scriptwrite it into another tearjerking korean show.

butterflies whispered at
11/04/2005 12:34:00 AM