Friday, November 04, 2005
chinese A was a wreck. i couldn't rmb my gu wen translations properly. outta e 3 essays which i banked so much on, i onli felt confident of 1. i pretty much crapped thru e other 2. e paper was hard, but i guess i had myself to blame as well. felt uber-shitty after e whole 6 hours was over. that's it. i predict it to be a C or D. won be surprised too if its a E. thats how bad it is.
ate steamboat at marina wif my family after e paper, and got to burn alot of stingray and char siew chicken. dun tink im going back to Zheng Fa anymore even tho it may be betta-reputated... coz its seriously congested, and more expensive than e other places around that area. i could have gone to e one OG4 went to last yr for 2 bucks less and gotten a free ice cream and drink, and lots more food... which is where im gonna go on e 25th with OG4 to celebrate e end of As. told u i had inferior tastebuds.
happy birthday to me, even tho its 2 days over. thanx to everyone for e gifts and well-wishes. i love you all! esp. to elaine for treating me the Vienna Boys Choir concert. e boys sounded reali angelic... esp. that soprano. they weren't reali professional and all mebbe due to their young age or unfamilarity with the intimidating big hall, coz a few of them were fidgeting away, coughing and showing signs of unease, but for me, it was reali cute seeing them at their most innocent. and they had
BEAUTIFUL hair which positively shone under the lighting. most charming...
im in a terrible state of mind now. dunno what to make of things. fir asked me back, and im dreadfully troubled over it. it felt reali nice to be wif him, but it came at a big price of insecurity and fear. many of my frens have been advising against it, suggesting me to get into a no-strings-attached relationship instead... i won rule it out, but as far as i noe, im not very in favour of that idea coz its afterall, undermining e meaning of a relationship. i very much wanna go back to him, start anew or something... but im afraid of what may come. once bitten, twice shy. i've been out of a relationship for so long that i no longer noe where to start, how to handle it. if i juz blindly agree, it's unfair to him too. besides... there're alot of things to consider. im not very sure of his feelings as well.. mebbe both of us were juz too hot-headed or something. im still in e midst of my exams, and its niggling at me to no end. and i dun wanna be a hypocrite to shishi as well, on one hand helping her to get over him and on the other, snuggling up behind her back.
then what explains the pain gnawing at my heart? what explains the lump in my throat whenever i tink of us? what explains the sudden rush of moisture in my eyes as i look at u?
do i follow my heart's will back to the place where i felt i belonged, or listen to my mind's voice to a path that may hold even greater promises? do i forsake the memories i tried so hard to hide or do i revisit all the beautiful places that you have taken my heart to?
i can't decide if i've gotten over you and fallen in love again or that the remnants of my affection have been awakened by you once more.
i don't know if i love you for who you are or just loving you for the very reason that i can have you back again.
can i even call it love??this is so melodramatic that i can scriptwrite it into another tearjerking korean show.
butterflies whispered at
11/04/2005 12:34:00 AM
