[[see through me]]
[x] applie
[x] elaine/menghui/apple pie/heng mui/ah meng
[x] sweet seventeen turning elephantine eighteen
[x] 02/11/1987
[x] jurong junior college
[x] family, friends
[x] passion, truth, beauty, love
[x] adventure seeker, daredevil at heart
[x] cynical optimist
[x] introvertly emotional
[x] hypersensitive, uberparanoid
[x] down-to-earth, happy-go-lucky

[[fancies]]
[x] white chocolate
[x] rum and raisin ice cream
[x] strawberries in any form
[x] gummy candies
[x] contemporary popular dance
[x] singing chee-na pop
[x] pink and white
[x] shopping and window-shopping
[x] swimming
[x] short poems
[x] stoning
[x] smiling and making ppl smile
[x] mint

[[pooh-poohs]]
[x] smokers
[x] animal abusers
[x] two-timers/womanisers
[x] male chauvinist pigs
[x] injections/dental/surgery
[x] flying bugs
[x] supernatural occurences
[x] gore
[x] insecurity


[[withered glory]]
December 2004 January 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005

[[friends and favs]]
designer
chaoshun
evelyn
xiaowen
serena
Xiaxue
Ayumi Hamasaki
Shutterfly ;

Saturday, May 07, 2005

im alternating between feelings of like and dislike for ziheng. i dunno why and i dunno what to do about it. sometimes, i juz miss him but at other times, i get reminded bout his various flaws and i get reali turned off. alot of times, i'll tink of just ending this whole thing and just keep it as the level of normal friends, but after a while, i'll start to reconsider again.

but frankly speaking, i muz say that he's not reali e ideal guy for me. der's too many things that i don't agree with him. it's kinda like a personality clash of sorts. e way he handles things is just not mature enuff, i feel. but i aint gonna impose my opinions on him... i mean, some other girl might bear it but as far as i know, if we gonna get together, we'll have alot of conflicts la. e level of incompatibility is too high. still, i can't stop myself from liking him.

i feel bad for blowing him hot and cold. many times, i told him to juz give up or that i wanna end it off, but he gets reali reali upset bout it and i cant reinforce my intention anymore. i end up agreeing not to bring up the issue of "separation" but i noe, somehow it'll surface again bcoz it concerns my future and happiness. i know too well that we won't get along well for long. i dont wanna be giving in all e time, like that week when we almost officiated our relationship. and when i contradict his viewpoint, he's not strong enuff to take it. i don't wan a man liddat coz in terms of relationships and feelings, i noe myself too well to trust myself in the hands of someone liddat. i myself am too weak and prone to breakdowns.. i'll neeed someone way stronger than that.

speaking of which, i sense that he's distancing himself as well. he's not contacting me as much as he used to. it may be a good thing, now that he's backing out on his accord... but it makes me think again bout his words of promise; that he'll gladly wait for me till e A levels, that I am very important to him blah blah blah. men and their promises.

butterflies whispered at
5/07/2005 05:40:00 PM