Tuesday, June 21, 2005
tell mi what can i possibly do now? i seriously wanna find an outlet to let it out, but i jolly well noe e bearing of this matter if dis gets out. no.. not even my frenz muz know. i dun even tink my sis can be trusted now... its not dat im biased or what, but she judges too extremely and leaves no room for other considerations. it makes it harder that its a very touchy subject and broaching it alone is painful enuff. what makes things worse is dat she's real stubborn and i dun have e luxury of energy to go explaining the philosohies behind it. she likes to tink dat everyone is entitled to their own opinions and i shouldnt exert mine on her. im not saying she cant have her own views; its juz dat i wan her to see a broader and more mature perspective of things. but going into it will juz evolve into a quarrel over differing viewpoints, which isnt e central focus. and recently, im feeling reali frustrated that i tend to snap at her too quickly when she gets on e wrong side of my nerves. juz bout 15 mins, she said something insulting and im still reeling from it. i noe its not true but it hurts all e same and it makes me wonder why she comes up wif it anyway. mebbe she misunderstood or juz wanted to find something to spite me wif. doesnt help that kor is in camp e whole of e week... e entire burden seems to rest on my shoulders now. its a fragile balance and im trying my bestest to keep it there. nobody understands e kind of restrain i gotta put myself thru in order not to show any signs of abnormality when i juz wanna burst in tears. having no one to trust or to confide in juz add fuel to e fire.
i hope i get e exams over n done wif asap. currently, im still in a state to concentrate but once it hits e brim, thats it. for now, i'll manage. for e sake of my family... went studying wif evelyn today at her country club and i barely finished half of what i normally would have done. 2 more days to econs paper... but im more worried for my Chinese and Lit..
worries worries worries.
went to OG Orchard to try and change e tee for pa but it was outta stock so it was quite a wasted trip. had to go to e loo when i was waiting at e bus stop to go home, so i went to e nearest building which was Winsland House. and e ladies had to be situated at e 4th floor... so i need to take e lift with all those working adults as dey stared at me in my tee and track pants. so intimidating. and i had e misfortune to be there at e peak hour so when i was going out, it was practically "people mountain people sea". during e bus ride which took a good 1 hour despite being 174e, i tot bout lotsa stuff. i tried to sleep and shut my mind out coz i was reali zoned out after sleeping late yesterday, but my brain doesnt allow me to. e thoughts juz kept rushing thru... one after another... i feel so helpless.
i cant seem to find e strength to keep me strong. somebody tell mi wer to go find it...
butterflies whispered at
6/21/2005 01:47:00 AM
