Wednesday, July 13, 2005
u probably cant see thru e screen i've put in front of myself.
for a moment, i wished i was a recluse. shut out from the troubling world, from the disturbing affairs of everyday life. i could do with indulging in solitude...
yesterday night, i slept fitfully. tink its coz i was reali tired. was on e phone with firdaus till 3.30am... he has something on his mind, and he asked if i could call him to chat. might as well, since i was reali scared to sleep after e previous 2 nights. before we knew it, it was oredi been 3 hrs on e line. told him bout my problem... dunno why but i instinctively felt dat he's e onli one i could confide in. no feelings of lingering affection or watsoeva; i tink its juz e fact dat i trust him enuff. and we traded secrets as well. anyway, juz hope his problems will blow over soon. same goes for dearest xiaowen.
i still cant help being disappointed at my Econs common test. mr tan analysed e article with us and i could understand everything dats in there. i could even answer majority of e questions he posted. but why a miserable 11/30??? there's something wrong in the way i answered the question because a few of my paragraphs that were painstakingly written and thought over, was simply labelled "irrelevant" or "out-of-point". due to this, i had this very strong impulse to revise the whole of my Econs syllabus starting from today. i've resoluted to stay back during e extended study hours and start my preparation for A levels. cant allow e same mistakes to occur during this crucial exam... gotta find time to work out a revision timetable till prelims so that i've got everything panned out. jiayou, menghui...
this is for -you know who you are if u r reading this-. thanx, i reali appreciate ur concern but im quite certain its something dat divine interference won help. dats why i went to e priest in e first place... it did help for a while but i guess its still my mind doing e dirty work. its purely psychological, i figured. this has got nutting to do with u, but upon hearing what u wanted to do for me, i immediately felt this reflex to shut myself out. as in... just keep quiet bout my problems and not tok bout it aynmore. im not saying u caused it or that im blaming u; its juz my character. mebbe it helps if i explain that this is why i dun tell ppl my problems. i feel uneasy bout ppl helping me... u can listen, u can offer me a shoulder, or even encouraging words. but somehow... i am extremely uncomfortable with ppl going to such lengths for me. u get what im saying? i reali do noe how much u care and i reali am touched, speaking from e bottom of my heart. but unknowingly, i felt very pressured and very stressed out. i oso dunno why. i want u to knoe that its not ur fault and that u've done nutting wrong in doing so, truly. its juz a disorder in me.. but rest assured, i'll consult my mummy bout it. if she agrees, she'll bring me over to e temple k? thank u so much...
tml is chinese oral. i nv prepare leh, how?
butterflies whispered at
7/13/2005 11:25:00 PM
